03 – 29 - 14

BP:  124/ 79   

OK, so I’m going to go home on Thursday or Friday( April 4^th or 5^th) and at first I was a bit on the skeptic side, but now I’m pretty OK with it. I mean, so I’ll take the bus with crutches. It could be worse. I could be on a wheel chair permanently or worse. My time here has been an experience, and I think I will be a lot more cautious crossing the streets nowadays. It’s just too much for me to handle, you know. All because some sick fuck decided to not pay attention to the pedestrian. Pedestrians have the right-of way so they should’ve. Not for nothing, but this experience will probably affect the way I view drivers now. I just hope I don’t get hit again though. Now I have to wonder who the fuck hit me, because now there’s someone out there who’s driving around knowing that they hit a person and they are not being caught. I wonder if it was a cop who hit me at times. Why doesn’t that fucking cop call me though. See, this is why I hate cops, they are just as lazy as the next person who has that type of job. Fucking pigs I swear. I don’t care for cops and I never will. They are too fucking dumb to understand me and shit so I don’t care for them.

Just saw the ad that has Niecy Cerise in it again. LMAO, you really can’t see the bitch’s face. Hell you can’t see shit but her fucking flat feet. I don’t know about women with flat feet. Flat feet are just plain ugly and unappealing. It must be why she’s not getting that much work.

            On another note, I might get me the ab rocket because I would like to work out(buyabtwister.com) sometime this spring so I can look good for the summer. I’m not trying to impress anybody. I just want to look great for my doctors and my girl. She likes me regardless and so I don’t have to worry about that(or do I?)

I think I will be OK if I don’t get to date Moreen. I think it’s because she’s been such a good friend that I really don't want to lose that, and I tend to lose that when I date and break up with women. I almost lost a good friend in Natasha. Now, mind you, she’s not the most ideal girl for me(too much of a weed smoker for my taste) but she’s a good person and I love her because of that. as for Moreen, she’s a good person too. I think she keeps me grounded, which is more than enough. And I like that she has a sense of humor, which is always a good thing. I get to play with her and not be so serious. I think I’m only saying this because I really like her, but I don’t want to lose her friendship and if I get too attached, I will get pissed off at her for not wanting more than a friendship from me, and I shouldn’t let my emotions ruin our friendship.

            Wow, I just heard that the teacher who was struck by a car two weeks ago passed away. It happened in Rham, CT. and the driver was a fucking mom, who, for all one knows, was in a hurry to get to work herself. I can’t believe people are acting as though they might lose their jobs if they come in late, lol

4:06

BP: 124/72                                                                                                                              HR – 89

OK, so I’m waiting for this chick to bring my friggin’ keys to me so I can be ready for my return home, and she hasn’t even showed up. I mean, what the hell, man. Seriously, I am not feeling this shit at all. She just seems like someone who’s all out for herself, and I don’t want someone like that. I should’ve known that I don’t want a girl with kids anyways.

I don’t know if I want kids due to our family’s record of having children with problems. I mean, maybe I am lucky to not have the genes that Veronica or Luis do, but they have kids with issues. One of them passed away, while my niece has mental issues. Not that I don’t love her, but  if that’s our offspring’s history, then I don’t want that.

Recovery hqs been getting better than I thought, and I’m practically walking and my foot doesn’t me as much anymore. I just wonder if I should take the crutches or a cane. I would prefer the cane, but I’ll take the crutches as well. I just hope I can afford to live off of work for another three weeks after next week because, though I do have the money to stay afloat, I do hope I can fully walk without the use of anything by the time I’m off from leave.

You know, I think I can take a cane to work if anything, my leg seems to be healing rather quickly and my nightmare seems to be more than just over. I’m pretty much able to walk. I’m giving it at least two weeks for it to heal completely, or sooner. I’m already set to take a cane instead of crutches. I know I can use a cane instead because my leg seems to be fine. Sure it’s a bit stiff, but it will heal pretty fast if I’m diligent with my own therapy on my own. I think that I’ll be fine. Finally I’ll be able to walk. Well, I can deal with the walker, but I would like a cane. This damn blister needs to heal the fuck up already. Damnit I fucking hate Prednisone.  

            j.Lo has a new single out. “I love you Papi” and it sounds OK, can’t say much  about it, but I’m glad that she’s still doing music. A true leo that has many talents. I can’t say that she can’t sing, I mean she’s doing a friggin’ album. Obviously she’s selling them, otherwise she wouldn’t be making more music. I just love how relentless she is.

P03-28-14

12: 26am

BP: 122/ 79                                                                                                     Heart Rate 97.9

 

You know, now that I had time to actually think about it, I would actually recommend the wage hike on minimum wage. I mean, if you want your business to thrive, you would hope to have the best employees working for you, correct? And if you have well paid employees, that will lead to great customer service, because they are atleast somewhat happy. You can only do so much, but hey, you are training them to be the best. Whereas if you were going the min-wage route, you wouldn’t be training them because the employees won’t care anyways, and the service will be horrible. It’s how it used to be back in the day, but dems made the min wage a thing where it was mandated and a lot of businesses just fired back by ONLY giving employees the min-wage. In doing so, customers get crappy service, because the people working for that service isn’t getting paid shit to do a great job and so your business suffers. I can understand the McDonald’s workers who don’t want  to better themselves by at least taking the management program they give out at McDs free of charge, but the small businesses that need the customers need great customer service, because that’s what most small businesses are about, customer service. The moment you treat customers like they have some type of stock in your service, they will participate more often and your business will thrive, it can’t always be the owner that gets paid the most out of all of the employees. I mean if you really want to make money, then pay your employees if you need them to do an over the top job for you because they REPRESENT YOU as part of the company. It reflects upon you as a manager or business owner as to how you want your customers to feel when they patronize your establishment. Again, the fast food places need to stop with that nonsense because they CAN afford to give better wages, so they need to stop. And I highly doubt anybody hungry is going to pass up McDonald’s if they want to eat something quick to eat. I don’t pay attention to the prices of the meals when I go to the fast food places because I rarely go there. Then again, I don’t think anybody should be aware of the prices getting jacked up at most restaurants because if someone wants to go to that restaurant for a date or something, then they will go and overlook the pricing on the menu. I can see a few cheapskates who will probably forgo the restaurant, but how big a percentage is that? It’s not that serious. I do think that most people will pay more for better food and better customer service. See, the Republicans like to argue that raising the min-wage will only make small businesses lose business or lay off employees, but I beg to differ. I think that they’ll do fine if they provide excellent service. Most customers don’t pay attention to the price of the service. AND it’s only a damn 45 cent hike anyway. That makes it $18 a week extra if it’s 40 hours a week, and less if if the hours are less. How can a business justify going out of business if they get an extra $18 going from the business itself to the employees.  See, when I actually think about it and not act all selfish about it, I can see how this hike would be pretty reasonable. I mean, if you want to run a shitty business, be my guest, but you won’t last long. A business that lasts long gives out excellent service, not just from the owner, but also from the employees who are supposed to be part of the team or part of the family.

            There are so many reasons why I don’t vote Republican. They make no damn sense, and they suck too much corporate dicks to even serve the people at all.  And that’s the funny thing about it. Because if you really think about it, if you were a small business owner, why not give your employees a reasonable wage in order to ensure great service towards your customers from employees without having to pay extra for monitoring your employees, because we all know a lot of employers tend to do that if they want a business running smoothly.

            I realized this because I was thinking about it, yet nobody had mentioned it until tonight, but I had the idea in my head for a couple of days now. I just didn’t put it down on paper. Ever since I did that, I have been reading about it all over the place. Sure some places maybe need to just raise their employees’ wages regardless(most fast food places) but the small businesses need to be business smart themselves. That would increase the moral in the work environment as well as productivity, and ensure that employees leave happy campers. If small businesses are smart enough or if they want to last, they will raise the wages regardless because the minute you do that, the minute your employees do a better job and the more business gets generated. It’s lazy employers who make no sacrifice. Those are the employers who’s business ventures fold due to not making their customers first priority. Most businesses are services, because nobody who owns a business invented something, and if they did it’s a local staple that might last long if they keep the customer service up to par. That means a lot of investing on valuable employees who will help your business thrive and even ‘cause expansion due to such a great service towards customers, how can you argue with that?Republicans who claim that raising the minimum wage will cause businesses to close up don’t have any confidence towards small businesses. They only fight for the big corporations because the big corporations make contributions towards their political parties. I am surprised that so many small business owners don’t realize that the Republicans are slapping them in the face when they make such absurd statements like “oh, businesses will fold or lay off workers” when the price of raising wages isn’t that big a deal. If conservatives would just take their heads out of their asses, they would realize that doing this would literally stimulate the economy as these low-wage workers have more money to spend in the local community. BUT they want to try and shoot it down because of big corporations. That’s the problem, everybody’s getting used to working for big corporations. I work for a small company and I have never gotten laid off in the 20 some odd years being employed by both places I worked in and one place was a local public library.  Not only will it make your employees loyal and more willing to join you in fulfilling your goals as a small business owner.

You also avoid running the risk of theft among your employees, because if they are paid well and treated well, they will not steal from you. There have been employees who have stolen straight from the cash register, because I can remember when employees at my job’s coffee  cart were stealing upwards of half of the profits from a days’ sales. The never questioned anybody about it, but they had their suspicions and were monitoring employees due to this., of course they never caught anybody who as stealing, and there were many of them who were stealing, but it’s because they weren’t getting paid shit to work there.  They were paid a little over the minimum wage, but that was because that organization wanted to look like they paid better than most entry level jobs. I had to admit though, that no matter how much you paid them morons who worked at the coffee cart, they were going to steal regardless because it was not so hard to do so. I remember some of them used to do it right in front of me. They would pocket the money in front of me as if they were not being monitored. I used to laugh at the administrators, because they were so stupid that they never tried to fire them. It was so ridiculous that they never tried anything. I’ll admit to pocketing some of the money myself, but never took more than enough to take the bus back home  and fourth. I actually took more than most of my co-workers, because I double dipped one time and found myself receiving a check for more than $490 for one week’s work. My supervisor knew that I knew what I was doing, but they were all feigning ignorance (including myself) and so I was never actually investigated nor fired. I wonder why, because I t was a lot of money that I took from them, yet I was never made an example of. I guess it was because I wasn’t typically stealing from them and they decided to let it go. It was a small thing compared to what the rest of my co-workers were doing. They would steal everything from Video tapes to CDs to DVDs and even books on gangsters. A lot of these employees. If you went to their apartments you would stumble upon library books in the tons because they would never check them out, and so I would find it in even the most honest employee’s book shelves, lol. You could tell they were library books because of the call numbers attached to the spine of the books. Call numbers are the numbers for a specific shelving system in particular libraries for you to be able to locate them on the computer and while going out to the shelves. Anyways. In most small businesses, people don’t tend to steal or do anything malicious  if they get fair compensation. It doesn’t matter that they are just getting a check. Most people want to feel like they have a stake in their employers’ establishment. Most of the small business owners are greedy and DO not want to pay their employees their just due, and so they end up with employees who practice shady shit. It’s actually the employers fault for treating their employees like shit and making them feel like they’re not worth any more than minimum wage. Employers who pay minimum wage are plain f**king greedy. They tend to have very low moral among their employees and you can usually tell if those employees are miserable. Many of the bigger companies who hire low-wage employees have millions or billions, and it’s solely due to their employees, it wasn’t all because of the owners.  Papa Johns, one time, sent out a letter that if the affordable care act were to become las,they would be forced to fire or lay off employees. That greedy f**king CEO claimed that he would lose so much money because he could afford it for his employees. This greedy f**k had a mansion in California or something, in the millions, while his employees were going to the hospital and being billed for their care at amounts that were way higher than most people. these are the benefits of having a well paid staff, but alot of conservatives and Republicans will not tell you this because they’re too busy talking about the negative shit that might not even happen. If small businesses were more considerate, they would pay their employees enough tlo live off of. Instead they give them enough to barely survive and think it’s enough, making enough money, if not more, for themselves. This is all the while complaining that they will have to close up shop if they were to pay their employees more. That’s bullshit, because if they were smart they would know that they need to step up their game and make their business(es) shine in order to make more to do better than just survive. A lot of people are just perceiving most small employers as being greedy or whatever, but I think they’re just lazy and don’t want to put in that extra effort to make more to make more than enough profits to just get by.

            In some instances I do agree that affordable healthcare should be available to everybody no matter what. I don’t’ mind paying a little extra to keep most of the population healthy if it means less disease among those who make less than me, yet interact with me. A lot of people forget that they interact with people who make less than them in more ways than one, and those employees might not take care of themselves because they can’t afford to stay away from work. It’s a damn shame that everybody thinks about the financial burden that it causes them, when in reality it is more about peace of mind. If you want to stay a healthy society, then you should keep most of the population healthy and avoid disease by helping those who need healthcare. Instead a lot of people are selfish and don’t think about the consequences of not keeping others healthy. Again, republicans and conservatives don’t tell you about this because they are too busy getting into the financial consequences. How smart of them to pull that

            I swear the micro USB connections to these new cell phones are put there on purpose so you can go out and purchase another, newer phone. The connection can get damaged easily because, first of all, it’s difficult connecting the cable to the phone without running the risk of damaging it(which you eventually do). AGAIN, the general population doesn’t pay attention to this because they are ignorant, and probably don’t think that this could possibly happen, but I’m a business major, and trust me, if I wanted people to keep buying phones form my company, yes, Iwould make products that could die off in months just to achieve that without being so damn obvious about. But when I point this out, most people are so ignorant that they will listen and then shrug it off the next day or the next hour as they post away on Facebook or Twitter. This connection thing happened to my EVO smartphone after having it for almost two years, and it so happens that it’s almost two years since I upgraded to this phone, and it’s now acting like this. It’s not surprising to me, and anybody who doesn’t believe me is just plain f**king ignorant. They will probably claim that I’m being paranoid, or whatever, but they are the ones who are stupid enough to not believe this shit couldn’t happen. And most people are duped into thinking like sheep. They really are sheep. I swear a lot of people are guilty of having this type of mentality, where they just want to be so happy that they ignore everything in order to make themselves happy. They don’t want to bother with anything, yet those things affect them after all is said and done.

…lmao, I just heard that Malloy, our governor is running for re-election. He announces this a day right after he signed a bill to raise the minimum wage. I didn’t vote for him the last time he ran, and I’m not voting for him again. There’s too much welfare going on and I need to get a republican governor so he can get rid of a lot of social programs. He was responsible for raising taxes, and if liberals can’t see how much this affected them, then they are idiots. I don’t like this governor. He must think that just because he’s gotten a big surplus, I’m going to vote for him since I’m going to an extra $55 from my taxes. BULLSHIT. Eliminate income taxes and get it over with already. Tax everything else, but not my income, homo. If you haven’tnoticed, this wasn’t announced earlier in the morning and it wasn’t done during the week, it was during the last day of the week, when shit gets glossed over and ignored by the coming Monday. I just can’t believe how slick this bitch thinks he is. Not only that, but he also announces it AFTER the jim Vicevich show, who’s very vocal about our governor. He’s a self-ascribed libertarian with a conservative bent. I think he’s extreme sometimes, but he does make sense when you think about it. A lot of liberals tend to be a bit too damn liberal, and Malloy is exactly one of them. He would legalize weed if he could. He’s already legalized the sale of beer on Sundays, raised taxes up to 6.35%, and a number of other taxes. The “Fast Track” Busway is a project that seems to be going nowhere. If anything this state is so flooded with state and union employees, who knows what’s going to happen. All I know is this governor’s pissed off a lot of people who were democrats. I got my income tax raised and now I’m getting less than I used to get for my tax refund. Thanks Malloy, but sorry, you’re not getting my vote this time around.Not that you did the first time I voted for a governor. I don’t fit the description of the “poor and needy” so I will be voting for Foley or whoever comes around and convinces me. BUT they WILL be a Republican.

Man, am I getting tired of watching Scot Haney on the TV. He’s annoying after a while. I can’t stand watching him showing his ass. He likes attention so much that he jumps in front of the camera as much as he can. There’s no stopping this little homo. Every morning he does his thing, and it’s like he’s the main attraction, yet he’s a meteorologist. It should not take much to make such fucked up guesses about the weather and calling them predictions. If I hear him talk about break milk,and eggs one more time, I’m going to scream

03-27-14

BP:  117/ 64 HR:

Good morning to all.  So I heard that I could probably go home and do my therapy at home on crutches, so I might as well do it. I am getting pretty tired of being here, so being at home with the crutches for a couple more weeks, I won’t mind at all. So I’m  OK, with it so far. We will see what happens so I’m good. I know that AETNA wants me out as fast as they can get me out so they can stop supporting me, but shit I want to go to work WITHOUT crutches or any type of extra assistance, you know. Hopefully I will be let go soon so I can recover on my own because my pain has gone away to the point that I can brave going it alone without therapists watching over me. I did pretty damn well with the crutches today, went up 38 steps and they segemented into three flights of different sets.  That was about an average of 8 steps per set and I did pretty well, so I’m waiting to be able to walk soon if I can’t already. I’m surprised they haven’t pushed me out the door, but that’s their ultimate goal: to make me whole again and be able to walk, for which I’m very thankful to them.

…One thing I hate is a faggot who acts like he’s better than me, when he’s really not. This dude must think he’s better than me or everybody in here because her sure acts like he’s spiteful and doesn’t give a shit about people. and he seems to come out with predictable shit like “the basics” lmao, he’s always saying “this is the basics” …I don’t know what the f**k he means by that, but you don’t just say “the basics”, which is some stupid way of pointing out that you get the basic food groups, I guess. I mean, mind you, there aren’t any basic food groups as all of the shit was processed on the plate. Please I’m sure that the milk, the tater tots, the greens, and the chicken is all processed shit. But this silly f**k thinks labeling shit “the basics” is going to give comfort to people. He just comes off as dumb as a rock saying some shit that sounds rehearsed. I wonder about people who have a chip on their shoulder such this moron. He acts like he’s got a snarky comment for everything, even what I was watching on TV. This is 7 O’clock in the morning and I’m not trying to hear your stupid comments when you aren’t paying attention to what the f**k is going on ON TV. Please refrain from talking shit because I don’t care for it. He must not have a life, and being that he works here, I’m sure he’s a loser. Can’t get a better job so he works here, most people that I KNOW that work in places like these aren’t too bright, nor big achievers. They tend to coast throughout life and don’t amount to shit except ending a person on Medicare or Medicaid when they get old, because their greed caused them to ignore saving for retirement or not even setting up a retirement account altogether. I’m sure most of them don’t save up for shit, and will SPEND all of their tax refund on frivolous bullshit too. Most of them are financially unstable, I know because I’ve heard them talk about their financial woes on social networks. And they want to “make it rain” when that tax refund comes through. It’s funny because a lot of people tend to point out people that do that, but don’t want to address how serious that shit is. These people will end up in destitute and then we, the tax payers, will end up footing the bill for these idiots. They’re just that undisciplined, and I think they should be reprimanded or taxed higher than me for keeping an account and keeping my credit up to par. That’s the only way people will get their shit together, with a little tough love.

…now getting back to this homo. Right, f**k his bitch ass. This bitch ass nigga can talk all the shit he wants, but he’ll never be where I’m at, as far as my observation has shown me.

…on another note. If any f**king girl were to cheat on me, whether we had broken and were not together, and then got back together, I will drop her, because IF we get back together, then that means someone’s still stuck on the other and I don’t care about it being a f**king “mistake”  the only thing I know is that you’re dumbass got weak in the pussy and you let another nigga f**k you, OK? I say this because I saw an episode of “the Steve Wilkos Show” and it was a couple who were going through trials and tribulations . OK, the guy in the relationship was trying to raise a family, but the bitch girlfriend that he had cheated on him while they were “not together” and so he decided she was no longer fit to be his girlfriend/wife/etc. and I have to agree with him. Her claim was that “we were not together”.  So that gave her reason to sleep with another nigga, yet get back to dude later on? Are you f**king kidding me? Mind you , the guy didn’t sleep with another women while him and her were “not together” obviously he wanted it to work and if they had to take time to figure shit out, fine. But don’t go f**king someone else. That can complicate shit, EVEN IF you are NOT together. I don’t take that as a reason to go f**k another nigga I remember that stupid bitch Nakia Rivera did that shit, even got a son to prove it. Good thing that bastard died though, because I sure as f**k was NOT going to raise some other nigga’s offspring. I don’t give a f**k what you say, you are no longer going to be with me. You obviously are not mature enough to put your selfish f**king needs aside and at the least try to stay true to me, so you no longer are fit for me. Good luck with your ratchet pussy because you’re a dime a dozen, cunt. She got upset and started crying and I’m f**king glad. I’m glad that he didn’t succumb to her childish shit and let her be. I would do the same shit because Kia was obviously being selfish and didn’t care enough about me to keep yourself from f**king another nigga. She also had the f**king gall to expect me to raise her bastard  son, who, by the way, passed away soon as he was born. Good for her, that’s what she deserves. She deserves that for cheating on me even though she thought we were “not together.” I don’t take that shit lightly because if I still had emotions for her and I wanted to work it out but take a break, I wouldn’t go f**king another woman. In my heart I am still with her and, UNTIL it’s done and over with, I won’t sleep with anybody nor date anybody AT ALL.  You want to be a selfish bitch? go right ahead with that bullshit, but don’t expect me to respect you. You’ll just be viewed as a hoe.  Sorry, but that’s how I am. I don’t f**k around and mess with other women when I’m wondering whether or not I still want to be with you. I don’t need extra pussy to figure that shit out. And for you to do that shit won’t make me trust you. Hell, for all I know you could catch some STD or a baby for being such a hoe. Perfect example was that psycho bitch Nakia Rivera. I have to say her name because sooner or later that low life whore will catch this online. I’m glad I can post up about her selfish ass. She’s such a whore, I should’ve posted up her naked pictures, but I won’t. I remember having a picture of her pussy because she’s  got  a pretty pussy. But that pussy is polluted with shit she doesn’t even know about. This bitch would catch some shit that she didn’t know about and THEN let me know about it. She was such a roller coaster that I got tired of her bullshit. And I know that our relationship should’ve been over, but I just loved f**king her. Sometimes she was annoying in bed with her not kissing me, and so I would just ram my dick in her so I could get some type of pleasure if all we were going to do was F**K. I’ve since changed and know that if she doesn’t cooperating with me or even communicate with me, then I don’t need her in my life, and so we’re just f**king. I’m not going to make love to her because she’s nothing but pussy to me after such a discovery.

4:45pm

BP 120/ 79

OK, so I’ll be going home sometime next week or so, and then I’ll have to use crutches to go to work. I think I’m going to take the Family Medical Leave thing so I don’t have to deal with going to work on the damn bus. Damnit I hate not having a f**king car. If I had one, I would be able to move from home to work easily with the crutches because I would be able to drive a car with my foot the way it is already. I’m getting better, but I just hate crowds, and these f**king buses are a pain in the ass to get on and take all of the time. To take them throughout the week would really f**k my life up. I don’t know. I think I just want to take time from work off though, because I really just want to get better at walking or more used to balancing myself at work and home so I can deal with the crutches, because dealing with crutches while going to work is a no no for me. I’m hoping to get to use a cab in order to back and forth to work, because seriously, I really don’t want to take the bus home or to work. It’s just too embarrassing and such a damn hassle. This is when I have to start planning on getting me a car, because damn, man, for real. I need to get me one fast soon as I get the funds, I will get me at least a bucket so I can get around in the city, because taking a damn bus is such a pain in the ass. I guess I will have to postpone school and shit, and I do hope to get better as I start to land on my feet(literally) OMG, I just feel like people are just going against me and what I feel I should be getting for some recovery care. I mean, come on, another two weeks can’t hurt at all, you know.  I can’t just get up and go these days.

 

I just want this shit to be over with already. I’ve been at it for over four weeks and now it’s coming to a head and I’m feeling nervous because I’m wondering how I’m going to deal with the transportation on my way to work. I don’t know, man, I really don’t know. I don’t want to ask anybody for a ride because seriously, I don’t want to overburden my welcome to someone’s access to a car. Oh, god, now I have to wonder what’s going to happen to me. All of this because of some prick who decided to drive onto my ass and hit me with his f**king car. I could take the bus and what not, but I just hope it’s not as hard as it looks and I hope I get to take another two or three weeks off from work because I really want to get better physically with my footing and balance. My only priority right now is my health and I don’t want to see any more f**king doctors until I get my legs to work normally. I don’t want to imagine going to work while in this condition, and yet I’m being forced to do so soon, and I’m not feeling comfortable about this at all. I just wish this was some nightmare I was going through and to wake up and see that nothing’s going on and I can just go to work fine. I am feeling way better than I did three to four weeks ago, but I still need some time to get my reliance on crutches to rest. I just want to go to work when I’m able to walk on my own. Hell, even with a cane would be OK with me. But not crutches. I hate this shit, man, for real, I hate this shit.

…

I don’t know why I do this. I start jumping to conclusions when I should just talk to her about how I feel. I guess I was just tripping off of the prednisone and it’s making me go erratic. That’s not helping me since I have a pending discharge from this rehab center. I think I can survive the crutches if I get some Family Medical Leave Time. I understand that I have about 14 weeks worth of time(maybe 10 or 11 left), so I guess that should work for me. She sounded different today. She was sort of on the mellow side. She seemed reasonable today, for some odd reason. I almost asked her if she was high on weed, because she seemed way too mellow. And she wasn’t argumentative. I was a bit open myself. I just feel that she’s there for me in ways that I’ve never had anybody else be there for me and that counts more than anything. It means more than just having a pretty face(which she has already)

03-26-14

Supplies needed:                                                                                                                     BP:

Shaving stuff(blades, cream, clippers?)                                                                     around 145/ 94

 

What a day today will be. I think I will probably pay my rent and my light bill because I’m sure they are up there in sums. And OK, I messed up with my baby Moreen. She’s a sweet heart and she’s done a lot for me considering she didn’t have to and she only knows so much about me. Well, she’s getting to know a lot of personal information as well, and I should at the least call her more often than she does me. I just want her to show me she likes me. I just have to make a compromise and realize that maybe her way of showing me she likes me is not so obvious, but it’s just there. Maybe it’s better than being so obvious, because I DO get turned off when a girl is very direct. I don’t think I should judge this place too much, but the administrators are seriously cutting corners when it comes to supplies to the residents. I mean come on, watering down the fruit juice cocktails just to save a buck? dollars every day? Most of the damn juice tastes like medicine. Then there’s how much they give you liquid wise. These motherfuckers are always giving you shit in 4 ounce cups instead of 8, which is pretty much half of what is suggested as a serving by USA standards. You know, like 8 glasses of about 8 ounces each of water a day. So now I have to drink about 16 in order to meet the suggested “quota” for me to keep a healthy regimen or keep my healthy supply.

4:30am

I believe we have some blizzard warning this morning.  Next week will go upwards of 50+ so I’m happy about that. I have said since I got into this place that when I leave I won’t need to wear a jacket/coat to go back home on my own because the weather will be so nice, it will not matter. My walking is getting better and I think I’m ready to put some weight on my now-recovering right foot. I still get a bit of pain around my right lower ribs(#11, & 12) and so I am a bit stiff in moving that area around much without fear of doing some partial damage. Even if the damage is minute, it could be big for me because I don’t know how much it can affect the rest of my endocrine system. I have done my taxes and so will be getting my refund some time before may(I hope anyways) the last time I did that it took me about a month or so before I received it so I’m hopeful that it won’t take long before I receive that loot.

On a side note, people are acting ridiculous about the UConn game, paying hundreds for tickets when they can always watch it at home. I wouldn’t pay for that shit no matter how big a fan I was for anybody. I like the red sox, and I would go to a game, but I wouldn’t go to a world series game because I know it will cost me a pretty penny and I’ll be damned. I’d rather just go to a regular game and even then, it better be worth while. No stupid sports game is really worth going to watch live. I did go to a regular Yankees game when I went to New York with my boy Hector and his friend, this Sicialian chick Guissepena(however you spell that ugly b**ch’s name) who was attracted to me.

Let me tell you about this psycho bitch. you wanna talk about a walking contradiction. Well, Guissepena was just that. She used to call black people “niggers” and shit even though she had dated and African national student while going to CCSU. She even talked shit about Puerto Ricans all the while trying to fuck me. This bitch’s nose was wide open because everybody in her international group was on her bra strap except for me. I was the one she wanted and I used to play with her dumbass because she was such a hypocrite. She would talk all of this shit about Puerto Ricans yet knew nothing about them. She would even talk shit about her own people in her group of friends whom she hung out with. She was some foreign chick who loved talking shit about Americans yet didn’t look at how ugly  she was herself.  First of all she was fat, there was no hiding that shti, and she was very self-conscious of that. Even still, Hector’s fat ass and the rest of that international group, which was comprised of a bunch of fucking ugly South Americans who wouldn’t recognize beauty if it hit them in the face.  They were all trying to fuck her ugly ass, or so she would keep saying to me. I didn’t really care because she wasn’t a great fuck to begin with. It wasn’t so hard to fuck her. I mean she’s ugly so being with a pretty boy(me of course) was going to be a big deal for her so of course she opened up her legs like any Euro slut would (I bet you them bitches are easier to fuck than American bitches, J) anyways, this bitch who everybody called “Juicy” wasn’t juicy at all. She looked like a wombat, and her pussy stank like she hadn’t washed her ass. She always acted weird when it came to fucking with me. She was always trying to put me down, but I’m an analytical person who will figure out your flaws faster than you figure out mine. And so I would fuck with her the same way she would with me just so she could leave me the fuck alone and YET she still was trying to get with me. We kissed a couple times and we had sex. Well if you even want to call that sex, then OK, but to me it wasn’t. I don’t consider her special nor will I ever. She’s just an ugly person period. Her personality seemed like that of a miserable bitch who didn’t know her left from her right. She wasn’t very smart. She would dabble into socialist politics but that was about it. Oh, and she was a fucking Buddhist, lol…she would kill me with her bullshit because I don’t believe in religion. Any religion is made up shit anyways so I would make fun of her not killing the roaches that were inhabited her apartment, lmao!!!  If anything she wasn’t the best of anything. Come to think of it, I have never had a great experience with a girl from CCSU. Even Tanya, who happened to be from Hartford, wasn’t that great a girl to be with. Anyways, this “Juicy” character was just someone to kill time with and she was annoying the shit out of me. Talk about having a stalker on your ass. This bitch came to my place one time and I really hate introducing my girlfriends to my neighbors or even family because these bitches try and get the best out of my family though we haven’t established any type of relationship, so we end up with my family or friends liking the girl while I don’t like her and it becomes this big pain in the ass thing where people who don’t need to know about her ask about her all fucking day and I have to deal with that. For the most part I ask them to NOT ask me about the bitch because they don’t mean shit to me for the most part. It’s happened about two or three times, where these dumbasses jump to the defense of these stupid broads and it’s annoying. I had Evelyn back in the 90s, then there’s this bitch Juicy who was being defended by Hector’s fat ass only because he was trying to act like “Captain Save-A-Hoe” with her. I bet you that was his motive all along. Dumbass never gets to fuck anybody and so he thinks putting moves on his boy’s girls is the thing to do. That’s one reason I don’t really care for him. He’s too selfish and his fat as is going to die pretty soon if he doesn’t lose weight. I mean he’s over 380 lbs and he’s only 38. I’ll bet you any fucking money that bitch is diabetic and isn’t taking care of himself. He’s already had a bunch of health scares of which he’s opened up to me about, but I doubt they ever went away. He eats like a horse, and so he’s priming himself up for a heart attack if he hasn’t had one already. I have people around me who think they are better than me, but I fare better in health and finances because I live a healthier and more frugal life than most of them. They will never get ahead of me no matter what they really think. You can be good at one thing, but if you’re so stubborn to change your lifestyle for a healthier one(like most people I know) then you’re just asking for an early death. Hank’s already had a stroke at a young age himself, and it sucks because hes’ a somewhat smart guy. His diet, though, sucks, he goes on diets every other day and he needs to change his lifestyle. No breaks, no cheating at all. Not even on weekends. People that give themselves those “cheating” ideas don’t get far because they are really just kidding themselves if they think they are going to lose weight at all. Hector’s done the same shit and he eventually just gives up after three or so days.

I swear some white people just eat the nastiest shit in the world. I just saw something that was called the “steamed” burger, that’s served at this place called “The Lunch Box”  and it looked like some slop that was covered with yet some more slop called “cheese” lol…
            I can’t wait for Scot Haney’s faggot ass to get off the fucking air. He’s so fucking annoying it’s not even funny. He’s the biggest flamer on the morning news channel. He’s always just showing off with his off kilter singing instead of doing his fucking job,which is reporting the weather. Just stop it, fag. I don’t care what you think of my comments towards your inclination to suck dicks instead of pussy. I don’t care for you homos anymore because you have bit off more than you can chew and it’s starting to piss me off as a straight male. I used to be OK with it, but now you faggots have gotten to the point that you want more rights than straight people. I don’t think so. You need to accept that your is just off. I don’t give a fuck what you want to call it. It’s disgusting to watch you fags kissing in public. You should keep that to yourself if I have to do the same with my straight girlfriend. Yeah, I’m gay bashing right now, but it’s because these faggots have been trying to equate their struggle to that of black people. I mean, get the he fuck out of here. You will never know what it’s like to be treated like black people and how they have been so severely damaged on a psychological level that it transcends generations to this day.

I hope a gange of students and so-called “hard workers” get laid off due to this minimum wage increase. They don’t deserve it just because they didn’t strive to do better while in High school. Then again, some of these motherfuckers have never graduated high school, AND they want a fucking raise? Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, sure, the GAP can hike their wages to be “fair” to their workers, but who’s to say other retailers will follow suit? I truly think that Obama’s just the worst president ever to reside in the white house. He’s literally disappointed me, but then again, I never liked the democrat motto of helping everybody no matter how bad their situation was. I have to give up my own fucking money to help these parasites and it’s pissing me off. It’s no wonder I’ve been voting Republican lately. That or independent.  More than likely I’m a libertarian than an independent voter. …OK, so I just found out where the maintenance people put my shit and I swear these assholes are dumb as a bag of rocks. They should do their fucking job correct and not fuck the whole thing up. I swear these morons are the bottom of the barrel when it comes to employment, and they hate their jobs for the most part. They should just do their job as it’s supposed to be done and stop acting like they’re smart and know how to do shit. Just follow directions, morons. There’s a lot of reasons why I look down on them. They never achieved shit while growing up, and now they’re not shit today. They complain about their jobs, but haven’t done shit to get out of that situation. They never did try to better themselves, instead they sulk in their misery. I am not a fan of most maintenance workers because they like to distract you from paying attention to what their doing by chatting you up. The second they befriend you, all of a sudden it’s offensive to ask them to clean something up. That’s why the white people at my job tend to NOT talk to the maintenance workers, because it’s all business, nothing personal. It’s crazy, but if you don’t pay attention, you’d miss that. See a lot of maintenance workers tend to be minorities and if you’re a minority who’s above them, they feel they have some type of connection to you and you’ll be cool with them. That’s why I don’t talk to them too often, because they get lost in conversation in chatting me up and forget to do their jobs. I remember how the maintenance employees would do the same over at HPL. This one guy, Leo Lafitte, who was PR and French, would chat you up to the point that he’d lost track of time and ended up doing less than was supposed to be done in maintenance due to his talking. He just talked way too much. Come to think of it most of the maintenance workers talked too damn much, and they should’ve just done their jobs. There was this bitch who works at my job looking to get my position, and so she asked me what was required to gain a position such as mine. Well, if I were to answer that, I’d say “well,a bout twenty years experience” because you can’t just sign up for the job, you have to work your way up through the ladder. And yeah, I worked in a place where I could have moved faster, but due to favoritism(oh, yeah, they don’t want to admit that, but there was a lot of that going on) I was always overlooked. I didn’t mind it because I WAS going to school anyways, so it really wasn’t hindering my progress. A lot of my co-workers at the time were idiots to rely on that place giving them a promotion. They didn’t bother with school to make more money or even make a better life for themselves. And so when they got laid off, they pretty much were given what they deserved, because they should have gone to school to make a better life for themselves if they can’t start a business on their own.  They were idiots thinking that since they had a somewhat rican as a boss, he was going to get them a promotion real fast. A lot of them came from the projects and had, as I label it, that “welfare mentality” where they felt that they were entitled to some position in life without doing much to get there. What a bunch of idiots. Conversations with them were so simple that it wasn’t worth talking to them once I left the job. I didn’t relate to any of them because I was seeing past them. I have no connections to them whatsoever and I’m glad none of them work where I work at. I have seen a few of them trying to get a job at my job, but only to not get hired. And it’s ghetto bitches like Monica or that African dumb fuck looking to get a job that was below them. I wasn’t trying to “hook” them up either. They were all clamoring to me to see what they could do to get the job, but I am not going to help them out. They didn’t help me out in any fucking way whatsoever. Come to think of it, nobody really helped me out   Not even my former supervisor. He’s just as guilty of not helping me move up the ladder.  I thank him for giving me a job, but in reality, I really helped myself get ahead. I mean, when I was promoted, you should have seen how hung over I was that day. I had been drinking so much, that I was open to conversate forever. Lol. I was so hungover and I aced the interview. I had my future supervisor there who was very tribal about helping minorities stay on top. He was there to chime in and give me that chance, for which I am thankful. All in all a lot of people did chip in to suggest my being hired, but most of them didn’t do much afterwards. I went to school all by myself and I made myself who I am today. I could’ve been dead or in jail, but I’m not because I realized early on in life that I didn’t want to end up like most Puerto Ricans. Working a 9-5 and accepting the scraps that the higher-ups give you was not what I wanted in my life. And I don’t go against most higher-ups because going against them really hinders your progress in any organization. Yeah some idiots call me an ass kisser, but don’t realize that they aren’t gaining anything by hating on me. They’re really hurting themselves in the long run because they are defeating themselves without even knowing it. I laugh at the people who doubted me, because they were too busy chasing fast money. I know some of them have been involved in crimes by now, and it’s sad because they should’ve just gone to school, but they have this “welfare mentality” where, again, they expect shit to be handed to them on a silver platter. I don’t know why it is I haven’t found someone who’s like me. I think that would be the only person I would be able to get along with because they would understand how I got here and why I haven’t stopped moving until I get to where I want to get.

            OK, our illustrious president is just looking like a fucking idiot every day that goes by and he needs to just step down already. Nobody cares to hear about his family visiting China just because they’ve never been there before. OMG, most of us haven’t been to China ourselves, so why is it a big deal for his family to do so? His daughter, Malia though, I like her. Can’t wait till she turns 18. I’d bang her. Though not as a young girl, but as a woman, of which she’s turning into. And I’ve seen many an actress turn into beautiful women who were already cute as children. Like Meagan Goode, Natalie Portman, all of the Cosby girls, I’ll bet even the girl from the “Bernie Mac” show. Most girls turn out to be fine as hell as adults, although the girl from “Blossom” didn’t fare out too well. She was always ugly to me, but her friend, Six, was a cutie, as well as Alyssa Milano. I can go on and on, but all I know is I’d like to fuck a lot of young girls who have grown up to be beautiful women, except for Keisha “Rudy” Knight Pullam. She’s way too young for me to try and do anything with her. And she’s a cutie, but I don’t think so. Evenbrandy was cute as a button, and I would still date her, but she’s around her 30s now, so she’s good.

BP: 124/ 74 as of 7:40 am

1. So far, after being her for almost a month, I can say this much is trending on TV
2. More shows on paternities
3. Conservative radio talk show host Bill Cunningham is hosting a show doing the same shit that Maury is doing. He’s such a hypocrite.
4. Queen Latifah has a pretty good show that looks better than I thought it would look
5. Steve Harvey has a Talk show himself, and it’s not so bad, he has flexibility to be himself and it seems like a laid back show.
6. There’s a show called “the Doctors” on Fox channel 61, which finally covered Sarcoidosis even if briefly. Hey, atleast it was covered. It’s a pretty educational show, almost like Dr. Oz’s show, though it covers more than women’s health issues, unlike Oz,
7. There have been about four people in CT that have been involved in a “hit and run” situation like me, where the fucking driver drove away. There are two in which the driver didn’t stop and just fled, while the other two I believe the driver’s stuck around. One was a teacher and the other one was a 8 yr old girl who were struck
8. There have been around two or three murders happen in CT, including others who were struck and left in the hospital fighting for life.

Morphine sure is dehydrating I have to drink mad water to keep from getting dry mouth, though I need it for my injuries. I don’t know how much more I need it, but I’ll keep taking it in order to keep the pain at bay.

I’m getting better at walking with a walker, though my insurance company wants me to go home and take it from there. They must be out of their fucking mind. I can walk, but that doesn’t mean I can get up the stairs, and there are 40 steps to get up to my apartment. Lord know how I’m going to get up there, even though I’d like to go back home, I have to make sure I don’t injure myself while trying to walk up or down the stairs, which I can’t do on my own and to go to work with a fucking walker is ridiculous. I don’t want to do that at all.

            I get surprised at the ignorance that runs rampant amongst these silly ass Puerto Ricans and morenos living in the facility. It’s almost like they never made it past elementary school. Every single one of them is plain ignorant to the max. I can’t stand people like that, but that’s who I’m surrounded by. There’s the fat bitch Luz who’s got more kids than she can imagine, BITCH should be her middle name because that’s what she is. Then there’s Blanca, another ignorant bitch who feigns having pain. She acts like she’s got pain in her stomach and when I tell her to get it checked, she goes back to normal. I mean, you want to. Talk about someone needing attention. I don’t like any type of attention from anybody and this bullshit with these residents is funny. I just found this dumbass named Alberto was being rough with the nurses. It’s because his dumbass has HIV/AIDS. Should have used a condom or NOT shared needles with infected people, plain and simple. Oh, well, fuck him. So long as he doesn’t touch me. Oh, I will kill him if he tries to put his hands on me.

            I’ve heard that maybe I could do the rest of my therapy at home, which I don’t think I’ll mind as long as I don’t have to go to work. I will stay home and.do whatever as long as I can. I was told I might get a crutch to work with, so I won’t mind it as long as I don’t get hurt. My number one priority is to get myself walking again, and once I get to walking, I’m not going to stop. I will have to walk more often so I can get in shape. I’m going to exercise even if it kills me. I have to do this because it’s for my benefit and my health, damn it. I am also going to cut down on my drinking as it is front and center when it comes to most of my problems arising and almost killing me. I will still do home brewing, but just not strong brews. I love my beer, but I like the taste of a good beer, not the alcohol in it. I don’t’ need to get drunk to enjoy them. Man, by the time I come home, my brew is, hopefully, going to be nice and rich and creamy as a chocolate stout should be. I just hope it doesn’t go bad on me.  know I took a lot of chances with this batch, but I just want to get a good batch for once. So far I’ve had only one good batch and that was the dark ale. It wasn’t bad. Actually it was pretty good. It tasted like a cream ale, which was not bad. The thing was that I thought it was off for my taste since I had never tasted a cream ale before. Now I know, and I will try that recipe again, J. I started my last batch on January 21, 2014, and will be back by the first week of April. I will have had it fermenting for almost three months in April. So, like ten weeks or so. Of course the bulk of the time was because of these injuries I sustained that got me into the rehab center, but I think I’ll survive. I hope I do get to go home and get my therapy at home. I won’t mind crutches, but a walker, hell no. I’m not trying to get into the bus with one of those. A crutch or two won’t hurt, and if I can do the therapy at home, then fine. I’ll just practice walking outside in the fresh air and eat my own shit while waiting to go back to work. I think it would be easier to recover while at home because I can do the exercises while at home and I can always take the time off from work. I don’t want to go to work while I’m still unable to fully walk. I want to at least walk with a cane or something.  I hope whoever hit me dies in a car crash, though, because they deserve to die. I didn’t deserve to get hit by a fucking car.

 

11: 18 PM

BP:       129/82

97 bpm

can't say I didn't warn you

03-24-14

When the hell are we going to stop seeing snow. I am starting to hate this damn winter now.  Not only that, but I have that motherfucker who’d served me on Friday working here today.  I don’t like working with his ass. He is one of them bitches on a power trip. He acts like most patients are below him, when most patients are actually above him salary-wise and education wise. I know because I’m above him myself. This dumbass probably wants to change me as well as he does my roommate if not more than my roommate since I’m younger than him. The more I encounter mofos like this, the more I want to stay away from them in every aspect of my life. I don’t desire to interact with them at all and when I feel they are gay, they make feel uncomfortable. The reason being is that most of them like what they see when it comes to me.  For the most part I’m a faggot magnet and these homos always try and talk to me at one point or another trying to see if I’m gay like them. I don’t feel the need to clarify my heterosexuality like these homos need to declare their sick behavior, and it pisses me off. I don’t say shit and let them wonder all day long. F**k them, (116/75)

It’s funny how  weak mofos pull simp moves like being so-called friends with the girl you’re talking to get

on her good side. Then when they lose her to me, all of a sudden they are ignoring them or if they interact with them, it’s all like she’s doing wrong, lmao!!!  Simping doesn’t’ get you anywhere and I don’t do that anyways. I like being a bit of a prick when it comes to women because they don’t really want a dude who’s strung out on them, heeding their every word.  This isn’t the first time I’ve had this happen because most dudes are simps over here in CT. I go for the ass if anything and I don’t put much thought into the women because it distracts me from trying to get what I want and that’s to f**k them, not date them. I’m not friends with women I have a crush on because that shit d10.00 KB/soesn’t ever work. Either you f**k them or you don’t, it’s simple as that. I get surprised at how many simps there are out there, and there are a lot of them out there. I can remember one mofo on the bus was trying to get to know an ex of mines, Akija Turner. His dumbass pulled the biggest simp move I’d ever witnessed in my life, lmao!!! Check this shit out: I had gotten on the bus without noticing that she was going on the same one. All I know is I had seen a tall high yellow chick who looked cute, but I hadn’t recognized her as the girl I’d f**ked ten years ago because she was a lot slimmer than usual. Anyways, when she noticed that I was on the bus, she sat right in front of me and didn’t say shit since I hadn’t noticed her coming in. I pretty much acted like I was so distracted that I didn’t see her. I really didn’t want to talk to her maniacal ass, anyways. So this simp was sitting near her so that she could get a good view of him. Oh, yeah, he wasn’t f**king around, lol. Anwyays. He didn’t say a damn thing while on the bus, but as the bus stopped for him to get off, he wrote his number down on a piece of paper before getting to the stop, gets up and right as he gets off the bus, he drops the slip on the seat next to her, lmao.  He doesn’t even hand it to her in her hand. He just drops it on the seat next to her. I mean, how cowardly do you have to be to pull such a stupid move like this? I almost fell off my seat when I’d seen that shit. It was funny because she took the piece of paper and crumpled it up and threw it away. Of course, since she was in front of me, she had to be all dramatic and shake her head and react in a way that I could notice it. It was too f**king funny though. These young dudes are now asking women out while on Social media, which is f**king hilarious because I don’t do that at all. I know some girls on social media like me and they don’t make any bones about it. We’re just friends, though because they live far from me. I do get surprised at how much they love me, though. I guess my personality really is charming. I know two girls I would really give up everyone for and those two are my favorite of them all. That’s Sharonda and Elle. These two are so beautiful, especially Sharonda.  Sharonda just a cutie and she’s got no children. Elle, she’s such a sweet heart who’s way younger than me, but she’s so genuine when saying that she loves and misses me. I love dark-skinned women and she fits that profile to the tee. Her smile is infectious too. I have spoken to Sharonda over skype or something where I could see her face and facial reactions and she was too too sweet. OMG, she’s so beautiful it’s infectious. The thing with both of them is that they live very far away(one in Atlanta, the other in California). I guess I fare well with women from outside of CT because I get the best responses from them. These women in CT act so stuck up and they wonder why they are still single or have been single for so damn long. I know a lot of dudes  in CT act like all they want to do is f**k, but what man doesn’t want to f**k, right? If you move too fast with them of course they’re going to want to f**k you, what do you expect when you move so f**king fast?  I tell people all of the time to take their time in getting to know someone before doing anything with them in order to get an idea of what they are like and assess their view of them more accurately. One can lie only for so long. Sooner or later, your motives will show, so giving it time usually works with me. Either the other gets tired of waiting and just moves on or they stick around for the duration in order to make you happy because they are genuinely interested in more than just being physical. Unfortunately a lot of these bitches act just as fast as dudes are, only they come on to me about a week after the guy wants to come on to them. Women aren’t any more different than men. They want sex as much as the next man, and they move just as fast if you don’t pressure them. I’ve had this happen to me all of the time. Some of them I took advantage of (it was just too easy) and others I thought I could get a relationship from.  Either way, most of them remember me and still think about me. Woohoo to me, J

                …FINALLY a show on Sarcoidosis(“The Doctors” on Fox Channel 61, 03-24-14, at around 10 am) They didn’t say a lot about it, but damn, they mentioned it on National TV which is more than enough for me to deal with. I have to take what I can when it comes to public information on my disorder. It was basic information and not much was said, which makes me wonder what goes on with other diseases and how in depth the show’s hosts talk about it. I can see how some people see the shows as being phony because they don’t really get into the meat and bones of the particular issue. They pretty much gloss over the whole thing as though it’s something to rush through. I don’t think it’s fair, but it’s something that has to appeal to the majority of the audiences so I guess they won’t get that much inundating information. I wish they would do a whole show on it though, because they could do us who have this disorder a very big favor. It could be talked about for an hour or two and the information that one can get would be so informative, especially from doctors who are specialize in it. I am so amazed that this disorder is not covered more often. It affects so many organs and yet gets little to no coverage at all? What the fuck is going on that it doesn’t get more coverage? Is it because it’s too costly for insurance companies or that the meds cost so little to treat it that it’s not worth it for big pharma to promote treatment for it. They would rather you get treated for the fucking symptoms rather than the actual disorde, which can add up if you don’t pay attention (you’ll see it once you get the invoice in the mail)

…damn, these women in the “Steve Wilkos” are sure fine, but damn they’ve got some fucked up personalities. I swear all of them are plain ghetto.  I just saw a very pretty girl who was very well dressed and has an awesome, bubbly personality, and she’s the exception the exception to the rest of the women because she doesn’t seem ghetto at all. She may have a mouth on her, but so does Moreen, and I don’t mind her mouth sometimes. So, right, she’s got a man who’s cheated on her and I have to wonder what the hell she did to make him cheat because she’s too beautiful to stray on. I mean, I’ve had pretty girls and maybe I strayed when we were arguing or whatever, but not when all was going good. I remember I fucked Fredricka Rose while being on the outs with Nakia Rivera because, well, I felt like I wanted to get some without the headaches. I did so and it was OK, but Fredricka got that snapback pussy even though she’s ghetto as hell. She can’t fuck, but it’s what she lets me do that turned me on every time. She liked fucking me too so the feeling was mutual, it’s just that she was a habitual liar. Fucking her was all that I could do and she didn’t mind it for a while. I only fucked her once while with Nakia so it’s not like I was actually doing it on a regular basis, but I thought me and Nakia were over so I decided to move on. Then Kia calls me the next day as though she was missing me or something. I mean if our earlier static wasn’t an indication that we were not meant to be, then I don’t know, but I thought I should’ve left her alone, but she was good in bed too. I was 28, and I had a girl who liked fucking so I was doing great with her. I wasn’t whipped, per se, but I was enjoying sex with her,j even though she lived five hours away from me. I’m glad I dropped both of them bitches though, because they were some psycho bitches. One had four children and wanted to make me a step dad, while the other wanted kids by whoever gave her a child. I’ve met some creazy bitches, but these two took the cake. Kia had gotten pregnant with a bastard son with some “Frank” nigga and she then broke up with him and decided that I was a fit father for his fucking son. I mean, are you fucking kidding me? I guess I was under some stress or something because I’d agreed to be the step dad, but the bitch didn’t want to change her selfish ways, so I decided to say fuck her, but I had to piss her off or say the meanest shit so she could leave me the fuck alone and so I could forget about her dumbass so I told her I was glad her son died. He died because she can no longer conceive children. The thing is that this psycho bitch still wanted to have one no matter what and she had the fucking nerve to think that I was going to take over some other niggas daddy duties while his ass was probably going to skate having to pay child support. Boy am I glad I dropped her ass, because I needed that so I could figure what the hell I want from a woman, which isn’t someone like this bitch at all.  To me I think I liked fucking her. I don’t think I loved her at all. There were times when I didn’t want to fuck her, that’s how bad it got at one point

…some of these residents kill me with their silly ass stories. I have a 49 year old dude telling me about how he was so tough in Jail. I mean, I can’t prove him wrong so of course he’s going to brag all day long about his triumphs in jail. For all I know he was someone’s bitch while there. Skinny as he is, he probably got raped, lol. Anyways, I don’t see why he has to talk about the time he spent in jail.You see: there’s a reason I don’t want to be associate with anybody, and I do mean ANYBODY, that’s ever been in jail for any amount of time. It doesn’t coincide with my getting to know people to sponge off of and vice versa. A jail bird is just someone I can’t relate to at all. Sure I’ll laugh at his nonsense, but I’m thinking all of this time”this fool’s lying like a motherfucker” and I’m more than likely right about that. People that hve been in jail aren’t going to say that they got bullied while in jail. No, they’re going to brag and boast about shit that you can’t prove them wrong on. It’s happened with my younger brother who’s been to jail(I no longer communicate with him) and some other low-lives that I’ve met throughout the years. Most of them were fucking losers who just ended up back in jail. I remember one dumbass, I hadn’t seen him for a couple years and then I see him on my home one day. He told me he had just come out of jail and was walking home. I remember thinking to myself “so this is the second time he’s been to jail?”. And he seemed like he wanted to rob my ass too. For all I know he loves going to jail. He never seems to ecape that route. It’s like it’s all he knows how to be. Usually jailbirds know nothing BUT prison. They feel like they can’t function without being in jail. That’s called being “institutionalized” and a perfect example was shown in this movie, “Shawshank Redemption”.  An old man was finally let go after serving time for over 30 yrs or more, and it didn’t take him longer than a week before he hung himself because he couldn’t function outside of the prison system.

                There are many ways in which people can become institutionalized. Some folks who are on welfare, if not all, have been institutionalized to the point that they just rely on the government to provide them with everything.  They don’t care to work nor look to get better because the government has been coddling them for so fucking long that it’s all they know. These are the parasites of society and they should be made to pay for their sleuth. They should not be collecting a check while sitting on their asses.

My mother is a perfect example of an institutionalized individual. She’s never had a job, or if she did, I really don’t remember. She told me one time that she was going to try and get a job when I was in my mid 20s and I thought it was a joke because I doubted that she could find one at her without having in remedial work skills. factories or manufacturers are no longer around for low-skilled workers, so where the hell was she going to get a job at? I think she just wanted to get my attention, because she never really set out to find a job. She went back to getting her welfare checks. I’m sorry, but I don’t trust my own mother. She’s just a state dependent and there’s no way in hell she was going to find something doable or sustainable for all of her kids. She had too many kids to begin with, and they weren’t cheap. I thought it was just my mom acting weird or she’d lost her wig because she sounded crazy talking like that. I did and still do doubt my mom is good for pretty much nothing but having babies, and that’s all she’s ever been good at. I’m sorry, but I lost respect for my mom a very long time ago. I hated that she was so fucking selfish that she made us go through her not having a job, not providing her children with a positive role model to either look for in adulthood or try to emulate as an adult. Instead she was just a selfish bitch who chose a man over her children. She disappointed me and I don’t care to talk to her anymore. I’ve got to a point that I started to hate her for putting me through the shit that I’d gone through from kicking me out and letting me live on my own to sending me my little loser brother to live with me knowing damn well I couldn’t afford that shit. Once luis started living with me, he almost turned my world upside down, so I told him to either go back to Puerto Rico or join Job Corps. He could no longer stay with me, and he was just 17 or whatever the fuck he was, but he had to go. I couldn’t afford him and he was starting to bring trouble from the neighborhoods to my place, which he shouldn’t have done . I don’t care for him, nor do I care to speak to him nor any other family member in my family with the exception of my aunt Ada. Everybody and I mean EVERYBODY in my family seems to think that I’m some ATM machine and they can just ask me for money and I’m going to give in to their pleas for help. Mind you, they couldn’t help ME even if they could, but they had the fucking gall to ask me for money almost on a weekly basis, first it was Luis, then Mando, and then Veronica. My own mom was bitching about how I owed her money. Of course it was that homo, Eduardo, who was manipulating her dumbass and so she would think that I was being an asshole, but fuck her. Son of a bitch had a way to pit all of us against each other and I had to leave all of that shit alone. I did and they hated it. They tried to get me to move back after they kicked me out, but I said “fuck you, I’m not going anywhere”. I had proved to both of them fucks that I could survive on my own and there was nothing they could do about it. I was finally free of their bullshit and I was happy. I wanted them to leave me the fuck alone. I haven’t spoken to any of them in years and I’m glad I haven’t because the minute I talk to them, they do nothing but bring me problems or give me some gossip that I don’t need to hear . then there are the endless SOB stories that I don’t care to hear about like. If , it’s not that it’s some plea for help. Usually it’s financial help, like they think I’m rich. But my question is: Where the fuck was she when I wanted her to defend me as her son against that homo Eduardo, eh? Where the fuck was she when he punched me so hard he made my fucking nose bleed, huh? Where was she when my sister was molested almost weekly by Eduardo. You know where she was? Right there, just watching it all happen in front of her and she did nothing about it. She just turned the other cheek and ignored her kids. Now that most of her kids are ignoring her, she’s crying about it as if she had nothing to do with it. Well, I don’t give a fuck and Eduardo’s son shouldn’t be asking me nor telling me to call her when he knows nothing about what happened between us or the family history of problems that have plagued us for so fucking long.  I refuse to put myself in that sticky situation since she doesn’t want to apologize for all that bullshit she put us through. I can remember Mando’s  dumbas saying that I like shutting people out of my life, and the reality is that I don’t mind shutting him or other family members out of my life since I don’t need them at all. Really, what the fuck do I need them for? Family? This is not a family? This is a bunch of crazy people whom I grew up with and I’m the only one who came out half-way decent or normal. Not even Mando’s gotten over shit from back then. He’s still trying to find his dad. I knew him when I was younger and I don’t need to know him anymore.  I don’t know why people want me to get in contact with him because seriously, what the hell do I have to do with him? My mother found him only to get my attention, but I really didn’t care to hear from him because to me, the past is the past and I don’t look back at it. I’m not like Mando’s dumbass: feeling all left out because his dad wasn’t around. I mean how do you want me to feel about a father who hasn’t been around for years, and I mean over 30 years. I never wondered about my father’s whereabouts because it never really bothered me that I didn’t have one around anyways. If Mando wants to act butt-hurt about it, then that’s him, I don’t really care for that. He’s amounted to nothing in my eyes and never too advantage of what the military was giving him. He just became a fucking loser who’ll probably end up homeless if he keeps going the way he’s going. I have my successes, but he’s got none that I know of. Does he think that going to Goodwin college was an accomplishment, lol. Really? That’s not even a real school. It’s just a vocational school, dude. Seriously. Try college and see how you survive that. I did it and I’m still at it after over 20 years. Mando was(and probably still is) going after fast money, but that’s got him nowhere.  I can remember when he started rapping, lol. He started doing that as soon as I’d left the place we were sharing rent at. Why didn’t he start before that? He had some equipment. But now he’s a rapper, lmao, I am in tears laughing so hard every time I think about him being a rapper, lol. He was 30 years old when he started that shit, so he was late. And I know he didn’t want to start while I lived with him because he knew I wasn’t going to approve of it. He sucks big time, and he acts as though people love his music, lol. His whole shit is just plain corny. Giving himself the name “Man2” just adds to hilarity of his nonsense. He’s just too fake, and he should stop before he makes a fool of himself. Oh, but he also thinks he’s a videographer too, lol….Iswear his crackhead Willimantic friends have got his head all swollen with their kissing his ass. He’s got a lot f ghetto ass friends who probably have robbed him before. I wouldn’t put that past them. I had niggas steal my CD one time and I stopped bringing niggas into my place so they can rap to my beats. I had to do it because they were stealing from me. Now I don’t allow anybody who’s ghetto into my place because they are bound to steal from me. It’s because they don’t have the shit that I have and they feel like it should be theirs. I only let my girlfriends into my place and my boy Angel, but other than that, nobody’s ever come to my place at all. I don’t care to have my friends at my place because most of them are so ghetto they will steal right from under your fucking nose. I have had that happen to me before so I don’t care to have friends over unless they are educated. I can imagine Hank’s ghetto friends would probably steal from his place too. I don’t steal from a friend’s place, but I have had people steal from my place. I had a CD stolen. I remember who it was too. It was one them hoodrat niggas from the northend who came through to make a song or whatever. I know they took something from me when I headed towards the bathroom. These sneaky ass niggas took my CD and none of the three told me about it. I know that homo who was claiming to be their manager, a friend’s younger brother, knew what had happened, yet he told me nothing about it. But Karma’s a bitch and now he’s in jail for having a crack factory in Farmington with his girl and fucking around with drugs around children. It was hard to believe that a physician and lawyer’s son was jail for dealing with drugs. He could’ve just aked mom or dad for a loan.  Lmao. I almost fell out of my chair when I’d heard about that, lol. I wonder if laura(his sister) knows about this?  He was the stupid nigga that was raised in a lilly white town, went to a lilly-white school, and wasn’t viewed as “down” by his black friends, lol….he was so fucking naïve that he decided to venture into rap music, lol. That kid was a fucking joke though. And I’m glad he got caught. I was surprised that he was caught for doing this because he seemed to be in a good place due to his parents wealth. His dad must be so proud of him, lol…what a fucking loser. See, people who fuck with me never end up in good places. They always get what’s coming to them. I have to watch who I deal these days because you  never know who’s out to get you, and you can’t just insult someone. That’s the reason why I don’t deal with too many niggas. You don’t’ really know niggas backgrounds and how they live or how they grew up so why let them into your lives and entrust them to be your friends so fast? I’ve stopped doing that a long time ago because a lot of dudes threatened me when I didn’t want to deal with them in any fucking way. And if you live near them, they will plot against you because they feel like they need to pull you down to their level of poverty in their minds. They have a “crabs-in-a-barrel” mentality, where if you are climbing out of the barrel, they pull you back down to them so that you stay with them and all are losers in unison. It’s a sickening reality, but I’ve come across a lot of people who think in this way. I guess since I grew up to think on my own and not rely on anybody(including my own mother) I am and will always probably be as about as independent as I can be. People don’t understand how I can be this way, but they’re the dumbasses who end up with problems due to flawed friendships. I don’t run into those problems because I distance myself from someone soon as I find some quirky flaw that doesn’t coincide with who I’d like to have in my circle. Like, look at my friend Natasha. Love her to death, but she’s a bit too damn gullible and she’s got to learn how to say no to people who are going to cheat her for her money. She loaned her friend $3500 because the bitch had the nerve to run up her light bill that fucking high? I don’t know, but I think that bitch took her for a ride. And she literally gave her the money.

…so I don’t get what this damn “Two and a half Men” is about. I mean Charlie Sheen’s brother seems like a depressed guy. He never gets sex and if he does, he’s not really good at it. Charlie is just there doing nothing, and if he’s doing anything it’s banging some girl. Maybe it’s just me, but this show is baseless and just boring. The kid in the show’s annoying. It's yet another reason why I don’t watch that much TV. I guess most shows that I’ve come across are just as boring as I sit here doing nothing but type on this computer. I can’t watch these shows, most sitcoms tend to come with not base to keep the theme going. I’m just bored out of my mind over here and I just want to go home. I’m going insane over here, but I have to keep from going that route if I want to get better. It’s just annoying to watch. I don’t know but everybody seems to be acting all weird. Is it a full moon or something? Even Moreen seemed like she was bored in our conversation. I don’t know, but I’m not feeling this shit anymore. She just seems boring to me. I’m not feeling her like that anymore. I’m sorry, but I’m just not feeling her like that. I am fine with a friendship because I doubt we’ll ever be an item, so I hope she doesn’t try to act like she’s trying to be my girl. Oh, but wait, she never tried to begin with. That’s something I noticed. I was the one who did all of the leg work in trying to establish a relationship with her, while she just let it go with the flow I guess. She doesn’t flirt with me, indicating that she’s not interested in any type of relationship with me, and if she was, I’m too dumb to notice because she is way too subtle. So subtle that I can’t read her signs. She’s too slow in the flirting department if anything. I mean, I haven’t heard one compliment from her. Not ONE, not even since we first met. She’s never said anything about my looks. It’s as though it didn’t matter. I guess I wouldn’t know if she likes me or not, but she sure is trustworthy. I can’t say anything more than that. So when I get out, I’m going to look for another girl. Hey, it was good while it lasted, but friendship with me, why bother, right? It’s not like she’s going to hang out with me anyways. I mean that’s what friends do, right? At least that’s what me and hank do, so why not Moreen and me.  She told me that she’s going to Jamaica for a vacation, and so I have to endure her being gone during the summer for who knows how long.

One thing she’s mentioned to me is that I don’t ask questions, but I am not one to do so, because you get more information by just getting to know the person. I’ve always been that way because you can get more information out of someone when they are not put on the spot. Now I have to wonder if I confused her by not asking questions, because she seems pretty cut and dry with her approach to life. I don’t like doing that. I like intrigue, I don’t care for the obvious. I guess it’s a turn off when women do that. Now I am wondering what the hell she’s thinking but it’s up to her to call if she wants to because if she wants me then she’s going to have to get me. I’m no longer going to pursue her at all. I don’t need this subtle bullshit and I will not stand for that crap. She better get it right and get with it or she’s going to lose a great person that is me. I don’t get it when it comes to her. I feel like I’ve been running in circles trying to make her come around and she’s just got her guard up all day long. It’s like she’s not trying to even be with me, so I would rather just leave it alone altogether. I do know that if I hear another woman tell me they have “trust issues” I will just stay away from them, because they might just act as apprehensive as Moreen has been acting. I mean damn, not one flirt in the few months that we’ve known each other? Really? Come on, now. I can’t do this all by myself and I feel like I’m the guy with the crush talking to the girl who just likes him as a friend. Oh, well, she’ll just have to get used to me not being there for her anymore. I’ll be there as her friend, but that’s it. It seems to me that friendship is all she wants to, so I mean, hey. I can’t control anybody and I can’t force anybody to like me, and obviously this situation really brought her to the realization that maybe I’m too much for her to undertake and so she can’t deal with me. Maybe she just wanted to have fun with me and I’m pretty much coming out with a bunch of pain and despair. Who knows what she’s thinking. She never tells me what’s up anyways, so ….and so it’s almost nine and not as much as a word from her. I think she’s just sabotaging the whole thing and, it’s her fault. I did what I could to try and make her my girl, but she obviously didn’t like it. For all I know she really did what she’s done because she feels sorry for me. Just what I need, some broad acting as though she feels like helping me out will win my heart or something. I guess she’s helping me out because she’s just nice like that. I guess I can deal with that since I no longer grab her attention like that anymore.

                On another note, I can’t believe I’ve typed over 5,000 words today.  I guess I had a lot to say today. Again, as for Moreen, I hope that she comes around and calls me otherwise I am going to guess that she doesn’t want to talk to me. Who am I kidding? Of course she doesn’t want to talk to me. I’m already beinga  burden to her as she’s indicated on Saturday when she brought my shit to me that day. But OK.